Paulina's World

Means, I love you. My love for ASL (American Sign Language) comes from something deep within me. ASL is unique in my eyes because it is not a language that is spoken but a language that is expressed. Naturally we express ourselves in the tones of our voice and body language. However, ASL is strictly expressed without a voice, something that is told through hands, body language and facial expression. Yes, people do these things everyday but who really pays attention to it? If people payed attention to body language more than just someones voice then they would have better communication skills in my opinion. We tend to make our voice sound appropriate but ignore what our body language is saying, what we truly want to say. So this is why I feel ASL is unique. ASL is always underestimated by people thinking it is an easy language because its just talking with their hands. Not the case at all because facial expression and body language can change the meaning of what you are signing i...

I will find someone who accepts that I am different from any other human being they have met before. I will be accepted and believed in by this man, while others look at me & have nothing but doubt. I look different and I act different but I am real. He will treat me with respect when temptation comes knocking he will answer the door and say his rejections and slam the door, loosing me will be his biggest fear and would never risk it. He will be confident, his own weird, and when he faces insecurities he will tell me and work through them. Not sulk and act in chaos then use it as an excuse. He will never tell me he thinks I am too good for him because he will be my equal, the one who can calm me down and the one who bring me joy when I am upset. The one who let me in and do what he does for me. Real as can be. As long as you are real with me I will be real with you. Give him my all? I will. Past events tell me not to trust ever again. But for you I will. Until then...

I can't focus these days.  Besides it being hot and the excruciating cramps from a very late period (do to exercising so much-too much info?  Get over it lmao) I should be able to focus now that I am in a library with AC and no distractions. Sigh...  It started when I started watching a show on Netflix  that was suppose to kill time not make me feel this way.  I feel so angry and sad. I know the show is fake of course but the love situation has reminded me of my biggest issue with men and why I pull away from dating. I am tired of being so easy to let go.  D didn't fight for me and Zachary didn't either. Even after I told Zachary how much it hurt not to being fought for after 3 years of dating D and Zachary did what he did. Zachary didn't fight for me either. After he said he would never give up on me and us. But he did and in a horrible & messy way at that. My thing is I was so important to these men but when it came time to show it and FIGHT.  T...

I have never really had a New Years kiss. This really just dawned on me this recent New Year. For those that I know, that are like me or at least for the last few years have been like me are really depressed about it. I am not talking about that girl you just picked up at a bar or that man you were kind of just put with because everyone else is a couple. I mean a New Years kiss with someone you are in love with. I know, I know here Paulina go with her mushy shit.... Right? But Seriously something speaks to me about actually being in love and starting a fresh year with someone. It really is something I am fascinated with and at the same time something I desire. The Reason From what I can remember I have either been single or not been able to be with my boyfriend at that time. How odd isn't it? Why is this? Well for starters because no money and that has never really meant much to me but to my ex's money seems to make them feel less of a man. I have always dated high s...